HUMOR | CUSSING

Wet Sounds Keep Waking Me Up

Showered, with oddness. (Photo by Scott Rodgerson on Unsplash)

Every Night, 3 A.M.

Every night, about 3 a.m., wet sounds wake me up. It’s already happened four times this week.

I pop my head up into the darkness. I say to myself — I say, “Gee Willikers, what could that be?”

Gee Willikers, what could that be?

No one answers back.

I peer deeper into the dark soul of the night. The dark soul of the night peers back into me. Still, no one answers back.

I wait. I listen. Then — there! Wet sounds! Squeezing wet sounds! I say to myself — I say, “Gee Willikers, what the fuck?”

Gee Willikers, what the fuck?

It’s Not As Cool As It Sounds

Calm down, folks. It’s not as cool as it sounds.

Turns out, it’s just my cat.

Shitting on my bedroom floor.

Swivels in, Swivels out.