Science Gave Me a Big Butt
It Can Tighten Your Hoo-Ha Too!
Here’s 30 fuckin minutes of a guy talking about how much he loves rack pulls.
And here’s another 1 hr 22 min with four guys sitting around talking about shoulders.
And here are 72 shorts on the difference between muffin tops and muffin bottoms and why medium muffins are better than big muffins.
And an 86 second tutorial on how to stabilize your core.
And 54 longform videos arguing about which is the right way and which is the wrong.
And now there are 1,691 butt pics in yoga pants. Sign up for emails here.
Now check out 2 ½ days worth of postural restoration bullshit saying how, basically, you’re wrong no matter what you do.
Exercise is the problem. Living is the problem. You’re breathing wrong. Dying is the problem. Not exercising is the problem.
Disclaimer: you’re a fuckup and this *may* not work.
Here — do this for 7 years and call me in the morning.
And now here are two 11-minute videos saying:
“Hey, there’s too much information out there. It’s confusing. Just listen to my stuff and I’ll lead the way.”
“No, listen to MY stuff and I’LL lead the way.”
“No, listen to his stuff and you’ll get even more messed up.”
“Science gave me a big butt and it can tighten your hoo-ha too!”
“Science says Simon says!”
Enter: the Gaze
And then you get to the gym and there are people judging everything you do. Everything. They hate you, they compliment you, they hate you, they fart too much. Male gaze, female gaze, straight gaze, gay gaze, gaze for days and days for gaze.
Wait a second — how bout my gaze!
And every single Bobdamn tutorial is going to show you people who are already shredded, so there’s no real way to see progress.
And every time they explain how something should feel they’re going to use THE EXACT SAME WORDS AS THE LAST PERSON so if you can’t understand what the fuck anyone is talking about, it’s your fault. It’s all your fault!
But don’t worry. Look! IT’S THE GAZE!
We got gaze for days and days for gaze …
Swivels in, Swivels out.
