Dark Humor
Blowing Snow
With Chef Jeff
Chef Jeff was blowing snow using a snow-blower. Chef Jeff was trying to be a good neighbor, long before those pesky State Farm commercials. (Chef Jeff didn’t like insurance.)
Chef Jeff thought he was doing a good deed. Blowing snow with a snow-blower was a way to say: “Sorry about all the weird smells you guys have been experiencing. Cleaning my room is hard.” At least, that’s the message he hoped to send.
Chef Jeff blew snow a couple snowstorms a week.
One day, Chef Jeff got an idea. His buddy Daneil was standing by with his hands in his pockets, watching Jeff blow all this snow. Chef Jeff said, “Hey Daniel, come here.” Daniel walked over to Chef Jeff.
Then Jeff took Daniel’s arm and stuffed it in the snow blower. It shot out across the lawn.
Chef Jeff turned to his screaming buddy and said, “Thanks, Daniel. I really needed a hand here.”
When Jeffery Dahmer was in prison he went to the infirmary. Upon entering the infirmary Dahmer said to himself, “Strange, a man like me being ‘infirm.’” The doctor bah-humbugged and wiped a rusty scalpel on his stained scrubs.
The doctor said, “What brings you in today?”
Dahmer said, “Three armed guards and a lot of guilty verdicts.”
The doctor frowned. The doctor was used to frowning.
The procedure proceeded.
Midway through their visit the doctor said, “But I thought you said you had a stabbing pain?”
Dahmer nodded. “I do,” he said, “but stabbing pain is one of my favorite pains.”
The doctor’s nose got pointy and his accent changed. “Duly noted.”
Dahmer said, “Duly? Pfft. I can do a wheelie.”
Swivels in, Swivels out.
