Humor
2X Your eX (From Conner)
Positioning My Cranium Inside My Rectumum …
Shortly after positioning my cranium inside my rectumum, I decided this country is divided. It’s 166,645,000 against 166,645,000. There might be a SLIGHT rounding error, but we’re pretty much split down the middle.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Only about 155,000,000 people cast their votes in the 2024 general election, making this estimation even SMALLER than the literal half of the country, but keen observations like that RUIN MY WHOLE POINT.
In other words, it’s about half the overall population divided in about half. Or, one quarter against another quarter.
Look, when your cranium is inside your rectumum as far as it’s inside mine, you see things differently. It’s a … it’s a browner perspective, you know what I’m saying? Life’s dark, and this POV proves it.
One thing I see differently is:
These quarters? They’re basically halves.
Now, I know I 2X’d the numbers. But I like 2X’ing things! The only thing I like more than 2X’ing is 10X’ing. I 10X my caffeine intake! I 10X my productivity! I 10X my car insurance premium BECAUSE I LIKE MORE OF EVERYTHING!
Mountains into molehills? Go ahead and 10X em.
I say 10X your love and 2X the divorce rate. We need more multiplication and division around here, and if I’m not gonna do it, who is? I’m 1 out of 333 million for Bob’s sake! I COUNT, AND YOU CAN COUNT ON THAT!
Pro tip: Double everything, and project your bullshit onto everyone. And NEVER forget, no matter what anyone says, you’re either right on the money or right on the principle. As long as you’re right on the principle, you’re right on track.
Sincerely,
Conner the Constitutionalist
